i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
Randomize
