I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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