He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
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