So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
