Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize
