Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
