I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
Randomize
