You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
