is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
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