yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Randomize
