apparently the secret to your success is patron
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
Randomize
