this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
smell my finger.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
Randomize
