Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
Randomize
