Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
Randomize
