Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
Drunk is not a location!
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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