Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
Randomize
