Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
We left the knife in your bed.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Randomize
