Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Randomize
