i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
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