and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
