Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
