apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
Randomize
