he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
Randomize
