I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
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