Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
So squirting runs in the family.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
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