This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Randomize
