I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
Randomize
