Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
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