I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
The best revenge is premature balding
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
