My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
