In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
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