No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
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