they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Randomize
