Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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