Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
Yes because finding a guy to give head to is pretty difficult.
I mean not really
Obviously that's why it was a joke you are so stupid it's impossible.
People in love make me want to vomit
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
