Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
it hurts more in the daytime
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
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