Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Randomize
