he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Randomize
