just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
