FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Randomize
