hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
Drunk is a universal language darling
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
