Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
Someone stole a lamp last night.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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