As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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