I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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