i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
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