Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
COCAINE IS GR8
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Randomize
