I got chris browned last night
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
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