I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
