but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
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