sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
Idk. We dropped acid and Kevin ran away again. We didn't find him for like 3 hours.
Man I wish I had been there
Yah we found him in the pool shed of some elderly couple. They were on the porch watching all of the shenanigans. ...To be young again.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
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