Define "chronic" masturbator.
In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
