im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
